How Long Should I Wait for Him to Recover?
I met what I thought was the right guy several years ago- good looking, fit, charismatic, lucrative career, nice home, good circle of friends. He represented he "entire package", and we were having a great time as our relationship evolved.
I put my career on hold and moved in with him, and shortly thereafter we were engaged. Just over a year ago, he lost his job in the mortgage industry, and a few months later, his home was foreclosed. We moved into a spare bedroom with his parents. In over a year, he has not even started to look for work, has gained over 30 pounds, and what worries me most is that he has no motivation, ambition or lifelong goals. He's lost contact with all of his former colleagues and most of his friends. I think that he is clinically depressed, but refuses to seek necessary medical help.
His parents have been supportive, emotionally and financially, but I am really worried about him and our future. This is not the guy that I fell in love with years ago. How long should I be patient? I read your book, and took the online Dating Litmus Test, and he scored miserably (57%).
I don't want to be the type that abandons someone during their time of need, but I am in my early 30's and really wanted to have children. I'm not sure that he is anywhere close to being capable of being a husband let alone a father- he can't even care for himself right now. He sits around watching TV all day; he is in a perpetual funk, probably in shock in how his life unfolded. He is young enough to recover, but he may require a lot of therapy and may never emerge as the guy that he once was.
I am really trapped. I want the best for him, but I don't see how we can resurrect a healthy relationship. I will need to reset my own expectations, and jump start a career that I placed on hold.
Any words of advice?
